Second-time mom fears: How to not overthink it
In a little over a week, I’ll have two kids and two boys to be exact. Officially I’ll be a second-time mom. It scares me every day. Having two kids 7 years apart. YIKES!
I’ve been a mom for the past 7 years. I’ve dedicated countless minutes each day to make sure Avery is okay. Mix that in with having a child with ADHD it’s hard to think about having another one at times. Since Avery is so attached to me will he think differently of his mama?
Some days can be draining caring for an ADHD child. That and it’s easy for their behavior to slip away. That’s why it took me a while to think about becoming a second-time mom.
Parenting a young ADHD child is hard!
Other times I want him to have a sibling. My brother in law passed away a few years back suddenly and my husband is now an only child. We want him to have a sibling. After 6 years we were finally ready. In between battling PCOS and mental health issues at times we finally got things going right.
Avery definitely gets lonely at times. Especially with quarantine he couldn’t hack doing sports with a mask on so this year we made the decision to not do them. Obviously right now a baby wouldn’t help with his loneliness but it would help with his skills when it comes to his ADHD.
Second-Time Mom Fears
It’s natural to have fears no matter if your a first time or tenth-time mom. For me, it’s just been a scarier time. We’re normally on the go with activities. We’ve adjusted most of our lifestyle to adapt to an ADHD child when it comes to him. Like all our dinosaur adventures.
I was on bed rest for some of this pregnancy and that meant having to have Avery spend time with his grandparents rather than me. I just can’t keep up. Plus with this New England Summer weather, I would literally get the worst Braxton hicks.
Then thinking of childbirth was another beast. I can be very optimistic but during this pregnancy, I’ve been scared of everything. What if there are issues after birth. Avery and my husband literally can’t live without me.
At 30 years old I realized I did want to be a mom again. Plus with PCOS there’s no telling how my biological clock would be ticking. I didn’t want to overthink and later on think I really should’ve tried for another child. If you read up on our baby announcement for Baby Harris earlier this year you will know why.
How I got over the mom guilt of becoming a second time mom
Getting a therapist! I was diagnosed with antepartum depression!
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What the face of depression during pregnancy 🤰🏻 can look like. Always trying to put on a happy face. No one talks to you about pregnancy depression or prenatal depression. It’s hard to go through. It’s hard to understand if it’s just hormones or something more. If you are feeling it speak up. Help is always around. Yesterday that’s where I was. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and last weekend I got to my breaking point. Covid officially got to me. Because I had #ppd I knew the signs. To all my pregnant mamas out there. It’s supposed to be our time. We’re growing this new life but pregnancy can already be hard. It’s okay if you’re not okay. Knowing where to find the help is the most important. #prenataldepression
I saught out a therapist to help. Ironically we’ve gone through how having a baby 7 years later can feel similar to being a first-time mom. It made me feel so much better about myself and a mother. Ironically my therapist happened to also have PCOS so she knew about my struggles in a way.
I don’t know exactly how we will manage especially with school at home for the most part but I know Avery will be a great big brother. It will definitely be a struggle at first but we will learn to manage.
What to do once you are a second-time mom?
- Pencil in your self-care time. What you enjoy doing for self-care is up to you.
- Spend separate time with all your kids together and separately when needed.